You Pleased those deceived but couldn't earn me

Ok so living in Levant is no fun. I dont like living this far out of town. I have used almost an entire tank of gas in the past 2 days just riding around. Living with my mom is not to bad. She is not here most of the time. We see her about an hour a day. Except on weekends, she is home all day on weekends. During the week we usually stick around until about 6 or so, mom gets home from work at 5 so we chit chat with her and then we leave and by the time we get back shes in bed.

I have been sick for awhile now, just seems to be one thing after another. First I had just a cold, then I got the flu, then a sinus infection and bronchitis. Luckily the walk in clinic is not as gay as my Dr's office. I sat in the examination room for about an hour by myself before I got up and walked out. I probably should have been patient but I thought I had waited long enough. The worst part was I waited till the next day to go to the walk in and I could not sleep at all that night. I felt like I got hit in the side of the face with a baseball. The walk in gave me antibiotics and robitusson with Codine. It knocked me right out and made me feel about 60% better. Now I am pretty much all better, still a small cough.

Things for the Arizona trip are not lookin so hot. The person we were supposed to stay with punked out and said we cant stay with him becuase his roommates wife said she would divorce him if we stayed there. It really pisses me off that that dumb bitch thinks for some reason we are going out there to fuck her husband. Not to spoil her fun but we dont want anything to do with him. Since she pulled this bullshit and ruined our trip once we get out there I am gonna try to fuck her husband just to spite her. I want to make sure she knows that she has ruined everything. If it were not for her we would be in 75 degree weather right now. Probably working my new job and living it up...not living with my mom. I may sound like a bitch but I am a little to vindictive to let this slip. She is the sole reason we cant go, both my roommate and i quit our jobs becuase we were supposed to be leaving this past Thursday, but we found out on Tuesday that this cunthead isnt gonna let us stay there. So now we are stuck here for a few months living with my mom with no jobs. So FUCK that stupid whore for making it so we are still stuck in Maine.

I guess I didnt realize how much of an inconvenience I am for my parents. My dad came over today to help us pack up our stuff because we have to move outta our apartment and he was snooping through everything. He read every peice of my mail he found and dumped out all Beanie and I's alcohol. He was also yelling at me about the water bill becuase it went over and I didnt have an answer for him when he asked me why it was so high. All I told him was well at 1 point there were 6 people living here and that was not a good enough answer for him so he screamed at me some more. My mom told me she thinks I need counceling...WTF... I was supposed to move in with her but I am not going to now. I dont wanna live with her after saying that. So this Wednedsay Beanie and I are going to go to our home town and see about getting the money for the trip. As soon as we have the money we are gone and my parents wont know what hit them.

I Hate Being Broke!!

The end of January Beanie and I are going to be heading for Arizona. I am really excited to leave. Plans for the trip are finally starting to come together. We already have an apartment and job oppertunities lined up. I just have to try to get the money for the trip.

Today Nikki moved out, She came and packed up all her shit and left. I am so glad she is gone, I could not take her stupidity anymore. Her habbits drove me crazy, such as not cleaning up after herself....and she bitches about me way to much. It was not my responsibility to feed her but if I didnt cook she didnt eat, she was such an aweful cook.

I finally told Louis me and beanie are moving and he took it alright I guess. He said he knew there was something wrong becuase i had been acting different. I feel bad about the whole things and I wish he could come with us but he cant, he has prior commitments that he needs to be here for. I have not talked to him since that aquard conversation. I am pretty sure he is mad at me and does not want to talk to me now which makes me sad. I miss him.

I got an external hard drive for my computer for Christmas and i have been downloading music like crazy. I am finally starting to build my library back up to where it was before I crashed my computer the second time. I just keep crashing my computer and rebuilding it, its getting old.

Why am I awake? I am not really sure. Maybe its because I slept till 3 in the afternoon. That and my cousin got Beautiful Katamari for his 360 and we have been playing it since about 4:30. We beat the game already. I am kinda dissapointed at how easy it was.

So Nikki is moving out on the 9th and I am pumped to have her gone. She just takes up space here now. Beanie and I are here till the end of January then we have to move all our stuff into my moms then hopefully we will be moving to Arizona about that time. Shit we need to start packing some of our stuff. I cant wait to go. I am not nervous about driving out there anymore. I have overcome my fear. I told my mom about us going and she pretty much told me you are gonna do whatever you want to do. My dad is still non the wiser as far as I know.

For the past week and a half I have done nothing but sit in the basement of my apartment and do nothing. I have only left the house if it was necessary. I feel like such a home body and I dont like it. I cant wait to get outta this place. I am ready to be somewhere new. I am excited about living in Arizona when I turn 21...way more bars and clubs to go to then there are in Bangor. Fuck Bangor. Fuck Maine....I want out...lol..

Beddy Bye time.......

So today I got my ears peirced. I dont know why I never did it before I guess I am just a chicken...i am glad i finally did it becuase there are a lot of earings I really like and want. It didnt hurt at all....suprise suprise...everyone already told me it didnt...For some reason I was more worried about getting my ears done then my tongue...weird I know. But horray for me I finally did it...

Christmas was not very Christmasy this year. It was not a family thing this year so it was weird. My dad didnt want to come up for it. So my mom and I had christmas dinner and whatnot at my grandparents house. I got an external hard drive for my computer, a winter jacket, ski pants, money, and a few other small things. I have decided I need to get a job. The whole being broke thing is not workin out to well. I need to be trying to save money. All of my tarot cards have been negative this week, and I have lost almost every game me and my roommate have played in the past few days....Cribbage, Skipbo, Rummy, Sequence, Go fish,and Pay day..I am just on a losing streak right now. Hopfully things will start looking up soon and hopfully I will be on my way to AZ very soon. Mom does not really seem to care. When I said something she didnt respond then she told me she has to much on her mind to worry about it.

I really have no idea where to begin. I have a lot of things to take care of and a short time to do it. I need to somehow tell louis that me and Beanie are moving...I have no idea what to say to him because I really do like him and I know he likes me. Actually in he loves me....he tells me that quite often now.I dont think he is going to take it very well. I hope he believes me that it is not him thats the problem. My dad is forcing me to break up with him beucase my dad is one of those people who judges you from the way you look. He judged louis and all he knew about him was that he is not in school. That was enough for him to forbid me from dating him though. Beanie and I have a solution to my problem. We are going to load up Nina and go cross country. Relocating our lives to Arizona. I am really nervous about the drive becuase I have never driven outside of Maine, that and I have never drove Nina before. Before we can go anywhere we need to get the money to get a place to live. We pretty much need jobs before we even get there.  The good thing is I already have 2 job possibilities and renting a 2BR appartment is cheaper there then here. Most jobs start out at at least $10 per hour, thats much better then the normal 7.50 an hour you can barely manage to just pay rent with. I will be 21 in like 6-7 months and I would love to be out there for my 21st because I am going to go bar hopping for about a week straight...then spend 3 days straight in bed most likely. I am excited about the lack of snow there, and all the new places to shop. Hopefully after my dad calms down he will send me some of my things. We can only take what will fit in Nina. I have enough stuff to furnish a 2BR appartment by myself and I can only take enough to fit in an ancient Oldsmobile....Should be interesting.

I have not decided what i really want to do. I have to talk to Beanie and figure out what we are going to do. We might just pack up and move to somewhere on the west coast. Either Arizona or Cali. I dont really have much kepping me here in Maine. My parents are split up now, my house is gone, my other roommate hates me almost as much as a hate her and my dad is going to try to ruin one of the only good things I have going or me. My boyfriend Louis. I really like him but my dad is not going to if he askes me anything about his past. I know he is going to so it is inevitable that he will ruin my relationship just like he has every other. I know i know I should not let me him that but I have no choice. i I dont follow his rules I dont have a car or a place to live...If me and Beanie do go to the west we will be completly on our own. Beanie is used to that she has since she moved out. I have never really been on my own, my parents always help me with money and paying or school...Oh thats right I would not be in school if my parents were not paying for it. But anyway. Beanie and I would have to find somewhere to live and jobs very very quickly. Neither of us really have any money so we would be starting from square 1. We will see how things go

...So We now have 6 people living in a 2 BR appartment. My roommate Nikki told some kid he could stay here for the weekend beucase he got kicked outta the dorm, I didnt think it was going to be a problem. Well I was gone up with my boy for like 4 days and when I came back he was still here...This was on Wednesday and he was supposed to be out by Monday morning or so my roomate said. Well when I came home on wednesday my appartment was in complete shambles and there were 2 guys stayin here not just one. Nikki asked me for permission for Jimmy to stay but not Phil. Phil has been sleepin on the couch and Jimmy in my bed while I was gone. Then I caught one of them sellin pills out of my apartment...I bitched him out and told him if the cops end up here its my ass not his becuase I am on the lease. But I think they are going to move in here after me and Beanie move out so I dont see a point in kicking them out when my lease is up in like 2 days..

Content under pressure. May explode under strenuous  circumstances.

I HATE my job. Not only are my co workers whinney bitches but my boss Rob is a pain in the ass. He changes the schedule up until the night before and expects us to be to work on time. My roommate does not have a way to get to work and we work at the same place. For some reason rob cannot schedule me and her at the same time. It is as little as a half an hour apart, sometimes its an hour or 2. Either way I have to drive in twice. There is one girl I work with that annoys the piss outta me and it give me nothing but satisfaction to bad mouth her or tell her off. She tries to get me in trouble with the boss every fuckin day. She tells Rob all the time that I am not doing anything. She can fuck off, just beucase I am not in the camera room doing a sit does not mean I am not doing anything. There are 100 other things people can be doing. I could edit pictures, sell pictures, ring people in, check people in for their appointment, answer the phone, just to name a few. SO FUCK YOU SAMANTHA. Your a fuckin monstrosity. As I said to my roommate the other day. Samantha has no redeeming qualities. She not at all attractive, she a huge bitch, shes not smart, shes not funny....as a matter of fact she does not really have much of a personality at all. So Fuck you samantha, fuck you Renee, Mandi your cool, Fuck you Rob, Matt and Beanie your cool....Fuck you all im out.

 Wow I am excited for Thanxgiving. I am doing a whole bunch of nothing, my parents are not together anymore so we are not really doing much. Mom told me not to bother to come up becuause the weather tomorrow is going to suck. Both my roommates are gone and all my friends went to see their families.  I am bored outta my mind and cant find anyone to sell me some green stuff because the people I can usually get it from are not around at the moment.....GRRRRRRR...

So there is this guy...I like him quite a bit...We are not technically together yet but pretty close, I am just worried what my dad will think because he is quite a bit older then me and has a 17 month old daughter...shes soooo cute..lol...I guess we will see how things go. Hopefully it all works out.

 I have always hoped reincarnation was real. It feels like a waste to only live once. The world has been around for  many many years and we only live for about 80 years, give or take a few. It only seems fair that we come back again at least once. I used to joke around and tell all the kids in my high school that hunted that they would be reincarnated as deer. They didnt like that. lol. If I were to be reincarnated I would hope I come back as a person, but I guess it would not matter because you would not remember your previous life so you would have nothing to compare it to.  I have always been curiouse about that whole thing if you have a gold ring around the center of your eye then you were royalty in your last life. I think its bogus..Anyone else got any idea?

The day you can pull your bottom lip over your head is the day I will pay for your dinner.

WTF...my boss got hit by a car.
For the 5th time.
Hes all cut to hell.
Bruised and beat up.
If the cars cant kill him.
I dont know what can.
I told him there has to be something.
Something that will finally kill him.
All nine lives have been used up.
What is keeping him alive??

 Right now i am reading Stranger Than Fiction by Chuck Palahniuk. He is definitly my favorite author. Other books I have read by him are Choke and Lullaby. He has a very interesting point of view and a unique writing style.

I have a few favorite movies, it depends on the type of movie. I love Grandma's Boy, The Nightmare Before Christmas, American Beauty, and Lucky Number Sleven. I am not much for Horror movies, I'm kind of a chicken. lol.

Pretty much the only CD's I have listened to lately are System of a Down-Toxicity, Christina Aguilera-Back to Basics, and a random collection of Alice In Chains. I listen to a very wide variety of music but I dont have most of them on CD's yet they are chillin on my computer.

I dont really play many video games anymore. I used to be addicted to Tiger Woods 07, then I fucked my hand up so I could not play then just never got back into it. I used to play Need for speed most wanted a lot, I got pretty good at it for awhile. The only other game I ever really played was Yoshi's Island for Super Nintendo, everyone who saw me play it says it was almost disgusting how good I was at it.